“Instead of trying to fictionalize gender, let’s talk about the moments in life when gender feels all too real. Because gender doesn’t feel like drag when you’re a young trans child begging your parents not to cut your hair or not to force you to wear that dress. And gender doesn’t feel like a performance when, for the first time in your life, you feel safe and empowered enough to express yourself in ways that resonate with you, rather than remaining closeted for the benefit of others. And gender doesn’t feel like a construct when you finally find that special person whose body, personality, identity, and energy feels like a perfect fit with yours. Let’s stop trying to deconstruct gender into nonexistence, and instead start celebrating it as inexplicable, varied, profound, and intricate.”—
She doesn’t edit. Even in conversation she’ll cycle through something three or four times. I nod and acknowledge what she’s saying, but she’ll repeat it. It’s almost like a tic, and it can be maddening.
But that urgency and repetition makes her songs really intense, and they resonate with an audience. There’s this intoxication and feeling of panic and vulnerability. I’m more introverted about it. I’m afraid to be misunderstood, so I spend an agonizing amount of time working out lyrics.
Some people hear these differences. Others can’t tell us apart.
AQUARIUS: January 21 – February 20: Too much time gets wasted on superficial things. You’re so tired of going through the motions, you’re beginning to search elsewhere for fulfillment. If others are on the same page you’re in luck; if they aren’t, you’ll wind up having to convert them or have to drop out of the situation altogether. Up until now it’s been OK with you to play games, keep up with the Jones’s, and/or spin your life into a cloud of cotton candy. At this point the whole question of what matters has got you wondering if there’s more to life than this endless round of meaningless bullshit.
3. I still feel exhausted, but I also feel hopeful <3
SARA:Tegan I am doing something right now so you are going to have to start without me. Don't look at me while I am doing what I am doing.
(LAUGHING BETWEEN TEGAN AND SARA STARTS AS SARA REALIZES WHAT IS GOING ON)
3RD PERSON:(why are you guys laughing like that?)
TEGAN:Sometimes when I need to update content on our website and I don't want to put a typical journal entry up in the past I have gotten Sara into a fake conversation with me, fake meaning I know that I am just getting a journal entry out of her but she thinks we are having a conversation and really i'm writing what she's saying and then I print it on the website
3rd PERSON:(thats nice I am sure that makes her really happy)
TEGAN:does it make you sad sara that I do that?
SARA:what?no? leave me alone I'm busy.
3RD PERSON:(she pulling you into another conversation right now for the website sara)
SARA:does what make me sad?Does it make me sad that you are cornering me into a conversation? No, leave me alone I am going through millions of email right now.
TEGAN:umm someone wrote an email saying you should go solo because I was mean to you on stage and that you were really sweet ...what do you think about that?
SARA:can you forward that email to me so I can print it and frame for beside my bed
PIERS:whats getting framed?
3RD PERSON:(an email to sara from a fan)
TEGAN:sara...sara? Thoughts for real on that issue.
SARA:LEAVE me alone Tegan or I will throw you to the ground and stand on your head until you stop talking to me
TEGAN:wow that is rude that fan won't think you are sweet anymore if you keep talking to me like that
I just had this flashback from high school, when my dad had his motorcycle, before the accident. I didn’t realize how bad my anxiety was then, even before all of that…
I remember watching him pull out of our driveway through the curtains and just hoping, praying, that he would make it home safe. I’m not even sure I knew where his home was, or where he was going. I can’t remember why he was at our house. I remember the loud vroooooom of his bike being so unnerving, even then. before everything changed. and I remember watching the lights pull out of our long driveway, and hoping, praying, it wasn’t the last time I’d see him.